16 August 2009

7.21 am

I'm here and i did not sleep through the night

Leaving to Florida at 6.40pm

Just finish settling everything

and as usual luggage packing is always done at the eleventh hour

Surprisingly till now i don't have much special feelings yet

but nobody knows when the airport authority announces the boarding of flight starts

nothing much to say

take care guys

gotta miss u all

and gotta miss penang

=)

Construction On Hold

Yeah

made some minor changes onto my blog

will keep on reconstructing it when i'm free

it's time to move on!

=D

Says the lyrics

开始懂了
孙燕姿

我竟然没有调头
最残忍那一刻

静静看你走 一点都不像我

原来人会变得温柔
是透澈的懂了

爱情是流动的 不由人的
何必激动着要理由

相信你只是怕伤害我 不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得

把我的梦摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了

用心酸微笑去原谅了

也翻越了

有昨天还是好的

但明天是自己的开始懂了 快乐是选择

How long i've not been listening to this song

my ex introduced this song to me

and she told me it's a song girl would love to use to console themselves

well i found out i did that too,

at least for some of the times

and not this time, of course

the blue parts applied to me,

but not the green=)

i don't bluff myself and i don't do that anymore

but i still believe in what the green-colored lyric says

but the fact is always cruel

and i've accepted it

looking at the blue-colored lyrics

i feel proud of myself

no one will ever expect that one day i will make such decision

not even myself

but hey, i did!

yeah im praising myself

loving myself damn much

lol

a simple reason behind all these

i learnt and i know

明天是自己的 快乐是选择

我选择了 所以我很快乐

=D

I'm here

everyone has the right to choose

to listen or not to listen

hurtful words and cruel facts

are always hard to be accepted

and are hard to be convinced

you cant blame anyone not to listen to what you talk

cause everyoen has the right

i knew what she was thinking

she wished to avoid those cruel facts

but i have to tell her

as i said i dont wish her to be hurt

so at the end of the call

i chose not to continue to mumble and lecture

cause i realise that one will only learn when one really encounters it

just like myself. lol

many scolded me before and i listened alot too

yet i only learnt it when i really ecountered it

so i think it applies to everyone

i did not feel angry
neither do i feel irritating

i was feeling rather bad

when she mentioned something like this to me

"so ur paperplane i will pass it to bla bla bla"

since she opted this

alright it's fine then

i will respect her

again, no forcing=)

and after listening to the way she ended the call

i was left blank and feeling rather bad and perhaps abit uphappy

i could not figure out the reason why i was feeling so

perhaps all these reminds me of how i was treated last time

both the scenes look alike but i know they're actually different

just i cant differentiate them

and after all

i felt like i was again in the phobia

these reminds me of the past and the phobia

perhaps i need some time

i do not know

=)

i remember my promise

and i know my promise is still on pending

depeding on the reactions of the other two peoples

i don't mean to hurt you, through any words or any promise

and seriously i did not i have hurt you

it was my bad and sincerely,

I'm Sorry =]

and

I will try my best to realise my promise

the first and ever promise i've made to you

don't cry

keep your tears

because we are far apart

and i could not realise my second promise

i could not wipe away your tears

=)

and again all these 2 promises are depending on the other two

i cant decide it till the day before i realise it

i will try my best

what we can do is

keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best

sutdy hard yea k=)

All I Wanted To Say

i'm sorry

although i've repeated it for few times

but this is what i've to say

i've tried my best to twist my words to suit the situation

and to avoid bad feelings from approaching her

yet i need to express what i want to

i cant stand seeing another one repeating thing that i've done before

she is a good girl

she doesnt deserve to be hurt

someone taught me a lesson in the past

i learnt it and i wish to teach her too

i know her friends have lectured her alot in the school

and she was frustrated

yet i did the same thing again

im sorry

yet i still need to continue

i dont wish to see another 'MC' again

and i dont wish to see her being hurt

no matter what outcome it would be

i hope one day she will understand what i wished to express just now

that's all i wanted to say

and no worries i've nothing more to say and to mumble

everything happened tonight remind me of the past

and somehow has indirectly resuscitated/enhanced the phobia

no one's fault and no one to be blamed

it's just a natural phenomena or a reflex reaction i should say

*in case u're here to leave a comment, be anonymous, i don't wish to br

ing trouble to u*

and to others :

stop disturbing while im in serious mood

stop instructing me what to do

i know what i am doing

and im clear with what i am doing

dont cross my border line and piss me off please

thanks

nites

Being frank being matured

back to 2006

few years back when i first fell in love

i felt good as it was just like a miracle to find someone who cares me

well after years

what i got is not what i expect

besides hurt

it's still hurt

i do the wrong things

i apologize

she does the wrong things

i apologize, too

i can forgive and froget anything

but not betrayal

i forgive other for many times

4 times i should say

at least this is the figure i know

im told that unknown one are not counted yet

lol

forgive her again and again

having her promise that there will not be next time anymore

wishing that she will really wake up one day

but what i get is the same, again

nothing changes, except her love towards me

what hurt the most was that

there was actually another case happening while i was promised that there won't be any, anymore

i was cheated

well this was not the last time

and alright, enough of that

eveyone has a border line

and she crossed mine

i used to blame but now i wont blame her anymore

she has the right to choose

or who knows it might be my fault to cause her to opt for another path

since she has chosen the one whom she feels that he's right for her

i'll respect her decision and sincerely i wish that she'll live in a happier way

since border line was crossed

i amd forced to make a decision

i had made a best decision ever

and thanks God i did it right

and i've never regretted on the decision made =)

not only i found that life is much more wonderful after then

but i do realise that i deserve a better one

and i found someone who really cares me

loyal simple understanding and great

im leaving in just another 2 weeks time

thus i could not give her any promise

and i do not want to give any

i know myself well

im not playful and im not interested in flirting

but i might need to spend at least 3years time in Florida

another part of world which has a 12-hour time difference with malaysia

and frankly speaking nobody knows what will happen, in florida, in malaysia

if soemthing goes wrong the promise might turn into a killing weapon

pushing her or myself all the way down to the valley

and i do not want to have that

neither do i want to experience that again

so despites of the phobia,

this is the reason i do not want to give her promise

and neither do i want a promise from her, although i believe in her promise =)

i've spoken to her honestly

and luckily she is understanding and matured girl

this is what i cherish the most

we agreed and reached a consensus

i'll do my best and she will do her very best

i believe in fate and i hope she does too

if it's yours, it will be yours, no matter how far it is from you

if it's not yours, it will not be yours forever, no matter how much you yearn for it

although these words might be hurtful but these are what i learnt from the experience

and it is a plus to my maturity in love

maturity understanding and faith

are the essence of love

and they are essential in love

so promise me

don't cry cause of the words i've written

don't count down and cry for me few times a day

i feel heartache to see and to hear that

*wipe tears*

and do remember

we are still staying connected even we're few thosuand miles apart=)

your mug will definitely deserve a place in my luggage to florida=)

time to sleep

nights

0410